Mixed With a Bowl of Emotions: The Ferguson Indictment Announcement

Once I heard the grand jury came to a decision on whether or not they would indict Officer Wilson for the shooting death of Mike Brown, I had no desire to watch the announcement because I have seen this scenario play out before and had no expectation that it would be anything different this time around. But after a conscious conversation with one of my co-laborers in the community, though despaired, I decided to watch the announcement with a tablespoon of hope.

Like so many others, I anxiously awaited the decision as St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Robert McCulloch read for what seemed like millions of pages. And then it was announced, no probable cause exists to indict Officer Wilson. Oddly enough, I did not know what to say, I was speechless. Like in most cases when I’m in a state of shock, I quickly became delusional and started to doubt what I heard so I decided to check my social media timeline. Once I saw the uproar with frustration and disappointment on social media, the reality sank in and it was true.  Snapping back to my senses even with my tablespoon of hope, I was disappointed but not surprised.

My attention quickly turned away from my personal emotions as I could not help but to think about the mother, father and family of Mike Brown and the agonizing pain and anger they were enduring at that very moment. I couldn’t help but think about Ferguson and the boiling anger that was about to catapult into the city. I couldn’t help but think about the black young males around the country who watched this unfold before their eyes and now question whether or not their lives matter in this great country we call the United States. What do we tell our boys of color when they witness the same vivid narrative over and over again?

Filled with a bowl of emotions, I am angry, but also I am very much sad.  I am disappointed of the rising epidemic of police brutality and killings of our boys of color around the country but I could not help the tears running down my face as I watched the residence of the city of Ferguson looting, burning down and destroying their own community. I believe in the philosophy of the non-violence movement to protest and advocate. Like President Obama stated, I’ve yet to see a legislation move base on looting or the burning down of one’s community.

However, again, with a bowl of emotions, I play the devil’s advocate, what do you tell a community that has been vividly plagued with the same narrative time and time again.

The reality is, I have never lost my son at the gun of a police officer, and I have never seen my murdered son’s body lying in the street for hours bleeding to Earth as if he was less than human. I dare not say I know the pain and anger that the family of Mike Brown and the Ferguson community because I’ve personally have never endured such pain myself. But from what it looks like, it hurts to the inner soul.  Folks are tired of being sick and tired, they want to be heard and they want to see change now. Again, I don’t condone the violent protests but given the long drag of this justice process, from the four hours of someone son’s body lying dead in a puddle of blood, to the build up of this grand jury decision, to declaring a state of emergency hours before the announcement of the decision, I pose the question, what did you expect to happen on that evening?

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